Neck Deep in the Shallows

Bunny ear project - DC United's "Talon"

2011-03-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

False advertising

2009-01-09T12:35:00.001-08:00

I like the Trader Joe’s. They house some yummy health stuff not so over priced you have hock your big wheel for a cheese wheel. But I got a bone to pick. I stopped in over the holidays to pick up some stocking treats for all the good little boys and girls. One of the items selected, entirely based on product packaging of course, was the Cherry Pie Larabar. Now friends, you don’t mess with cherry pie. It is, or it ain’t. Real cherry pie was handed down by god to be enjoyed by Americans while watching baseball on TV. It’s great tasting, terrible for ya, nuff said. These fools took some kind of trail food and thought they would sell more by slapping cherry pie on it! The nerve. Just cause it has a few cherries in it, does not make it pie! Call it what it is people, hippy grub bar,…with cherry. Now my three year old can’t get enough, and I don’t blame him, it’s pretty good food stuff. But can you picture the anger and confusion he would feel when he got hold of the real deal? I would sooner explain Santa and the Easter bunny. Think of the children people! You have some responsibility!

Food for thought

2009-01-08T13:49:00.000-08:00

I was just filing the dish washer. When I put in the soap powder I noticed these little blue flecks. “Flavor Crystals” I thought! Well okay, I guess these are spit-shine crystals, but same Idea. It got me thinking about the first time I saw something marketed as having Flavor Crystals. Dammed if I can remember, but if you can make flavor crystals, why not just sell them in a bottle. I want to sprinkle some smoked gouda crystals on my cheese wiz to kick it up a notch. But then again, why not just make it taste good in the first place? I bet there would be a market for Bree wiz?

Google "Image" Collage Challenge 002 – Testface – Interplanet Janet ~ The Reply

2008-12-03T16:16:00.000-08:00

Testface has made reply to my "Interplanet Janet" challenge with this fetching Galaxy Gal. Beautiful image brother D.

Bunny ear project - Endangered Wolf

2008-11-05T17:36:00.000-08:00

The wolf that started it all : )

I love the ugly ones

2008-10-30T19:10:00.000-07:00

I have a propensity for repulsive shoes. I was casing the garden catalogs for bright yellow clogs long before Crocs came on the scene. Every year I visit the HighTech outlet in Oakdale California and politely ask the shop keeper for a size twelve ugly. I am rarely disappointed. They have some serious ugly in that place. Typically for under thirty bucks. Rock! This year I found the best junior spaceman/neon hunter/hippopotamus rapper kicks I have ever seen. The only problem, they only come in kid sizes. Dammit anyway.

O's game - United game.

2008-09-27T12:28:00.000-07:00

For the last few years my buddy M.C. Homemade has come to town once a summer when the Sox are here for a stretch with the Birds. He's here for a visit with family for sure, but also because you can get a cheap seat at the yard for $12. Cheapest seat in Bean Town is like $80. Ouch. He can see 2 or 3 games here and it's a bargain. I like baseball all right, but I meet my boy for a chance to hang out and catch up in person. At heart I am a soccer fan.

What I have noticed the last couple of years, is that there are as many or more Red Sox fans at the game, than than there are Baltimore fans. Wow.

Here is a telling video I shot. Everyone is just happy to be there.

That's cool I guess. But I like a little old fashion emotion when a rival comes to town. Like when the Cowboys come to FedEx. Cowboy's fans are welcome, but don't think the concessions gal isn't going to spit in your $15 beer.

Now for me, at a DC United game you are more likely to find some real hometown fans. For about $20 you can get a cheap seat, then move just about anywhere and get away with it. I like to sit behind Barra Brava. Yell, scream, throw your beer in the air, chant and cuss. Yup, that's a game. These fans don't sit for the entire game. The fight songs run from one into the next and everyone knows the words. Here is a clip I took in the tunnel at half time.

MC, next trip I'll take you to chocolate city for a game while you are in town.

All American Girl - Google "Image" Collage Challenge 003

2008-09-25T20:02:00.000-07:00

Google "Image" Collage Challenge 002 – Testface – Interplanet Janet

2008-09-24T05:51:00.000-07:00

Yo Testface!

Challenge!

Rules:
Make a collage based on title given, using only images found via Google “Image” search. Resolution should be as high as possible given obvious restrictions. (for future project)

You may interpret title any way you like.

Once you have accepted said challenge you may impose your own title on said challenger.

When complete post your response image with whatever shit talking you deem appropriate, and email a copy to your opponent.

Time frame, ….when you get it done. Though shit talking may accompany a lengthy contest.

Judgment, … everyone wins.

Your first challenge title, should you chose to accept it.

“Interplanet Janet” (because it’s stuck in my head)

WTF?

2008-09-23T06:01:00.000-07:00

I can think of a few foreheads I might plant a stamp like this on around the office.

Madonna and Child - Google "Image" Collage Challenge 001

2008-09-21T17:57:00.000-07:00

Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai

2008-09-18T19:16:00.000-07:00

As much as I love The Last Dragon, if you have not seen Buckaroo Banzai, get ye self a copy today. Top notch 80's B. I'll lend you my copy if need be!

"Laugh while you can, monkey boy!"

Bunny ear project - Geico Gecko

2008-09-18T18:47:00.000-07:00

Palin

2008-09-18T09:04:00.001-07:00

I have a lot of friends on both sides of the fence lobbing terrific political humor at me via email. This was one of the most creative : )

Lottie Davies

2008-09-18T09:04:00.000-07:00

Daniel Vader

Quints

A couple of really fantastic images by Lottie Davies. She has promised not to sue me if I include a link to her site.

www.lottiedavies.com

She thought it was important to mention she didn't pose Daniel, just asked him to go outside. That's really what's cool about kids and what I like about the image. Kids don't worry about how they look until they are told they should. I hope my son wants to wear his pirate costume to school. I think cool needs to be reevaluated.

Sho Nuff, a video response

2008-09-17T14:50:00.000-07:00

Sho Nuff! Do you remember the b movie the last dragon? I frigging love it! The hero, seen for a second in the middle of this clip, looks a lot like the guy in the middle of a photo posted by Testface here. Third photo down, top step, center. Dig it. Testface rocks!

Oh, and...

"I'm Rick James Bitch!"

Black Cat 15th Anniversary Party with Gray Matter

2008-09-16T18:58:00.000-07:00

I went to see Gray Matter the other night at the Black Cat. I went to high school with Mark, one of the guitar players. The drummer is the club owner. This was a reunion show to celebrate 15 years in business. One of the few places in DC to see the music they don't play on the radio. I spent a lot of time at the Black Cat when I first moved back to the area seeing ska shows. Didn't get a chance to catch up with Mark, but had a good time with a few other buddies from an era long gone, but remembered fondly : ) I was going to dead shows when the punk scene was happening in DC, but here are a couple of my favorite Gray Matter songs off of the only punk vinyl I own : )

Great cover - I Am The Walrus

Caffeine Blues

Speaking of School House Rock

2008-09-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

As long as I can remember 3 has been my favorite number.

U - Arrested Development

2008-09-16T18:30:00.000-07:00

Hands down my favorite hip-hop song. EVER. Listen close and see if you can find the school house rock reference. : ) If I could have a personal theme song this would be it. Smoooooooth.

DMA - makes my green hurt

2008-09-15T20:10:00.000-07:00

I signed up for a free online spew offered by the Direct Marketing Association in July. Turned out I wasn't able to jack in during the allotted time. No big deal, it was free. Or was it. I received an invoice. An invoice for zero dollars. The DMA spent 42¢, a sheet of paper, and a number 10 envelope to let me know I don't owe them a dime. Is this a sneaky new marketing scheme I missed the memo on? Good one, totally got me guys! I feel your brand awareness blossoming in my subconscious.

worst promotional item ever - 003

2008-09-15T19:47:00.000-07:00

Testface! Five gold stars for the individually wrapped nut. It does indeed trump my Q-tip. But I see your ridiculous and raise you an unbelievable! I present to you, a brand new pair of glow-in-the-dark sunglasses. Complete with "super dark" UV protected lenses. Where shall I wear them? To the beach tonight? Maybe I'll get a moon tan. SWEET!

This one goes to eleven!

2008-09-12T08:14:00.000-07:00

I love spinal tap. I love cheap lunch foods that will keep in my desk drawer at work for 20 + years. The other day whilst shopping. (don’t you just hate f*#@ers that use the word whilst?) I came across the mother of all instant soups,…for a dollar! Now, I like me some cup-o-noodles, but you know, one is never quite enough, and two will make your stomach ache and your blood pressure rise to the point where you can feel your heart beat in your ears.

Well, this tub-o-noodles gets right to the crux of the biscuit. Mo noodles! I mean, what were they trying to do, cut costs, how much could frigging freeze dried noodles and salt really run ya! Why not make them big enough for us fat Americans to get our grub on in one trip to the cubbard. I mean dang, we drink soda by the bucket, eat chicken by the bucket! Learn the market slackers!!!!!!

Not only do these guys get it, but they go above and beyond with the, not one, but three flavor packages!
1. Traditional MSG sack.
2. Vegetable sack.
3. “Flavor Enhancer” sack. Oh, but this is no ordinary sack of powder, it’s liquid, to be added after the soup is ready, to put it over the top! When you need that “just a bit more”. They my friends, crank it to eleven.

What is it? Don’t know. Looks like beef grease. It gives their soup that home cooked oil slick on top. Genius!

Always on the look out for a better instant meal, please to be adding your suggestions.

Life tip 0001 - 9.12.08

2008-09-12T07:22:00.000-07:00

Candy corn tastes best when refrigerated.

And a couple of things just to remember…..
1. Ice-cream sprinkles/toppers, AKA Jimmies, are made of wax. Candy corn seems like it may be wax based,… but it’s not.
2. Soylent green is people!

And something I need help with. Candy corn is way too 50’s. We need a new name. I vote for “pumpkin teeth”. I am so going to give my jack-o’-lantern real teeth this year!

worst promotional item ever - 002

2008-09-04T19:12:00.000-07:00

Nope, this is better, ...worse. The individually wrapped Q-tip dispenser. Ear care PEZ. Yuck. "Hey nice to see ya, yeah it's been a while, ...Q-tip? No really, take one,... I have more!"

worst promotional item ever - 001

2008-09-02T18:30:00.000-07:00

To be sure, this key chain/to-go coffee cup spout plug is the worst freebie ever. It makes me angry that someone even conceived this idea, let alone brought it to market.

Jiggling Jesus - Roadwork.

2008-08-28T09:05:00.000-07:00

1st in dashboard savior series.

Redneck Chowder

2008-06-06T19:47:00.000-07:00

Time to get all culinary on your ass. My go-to comfort food of choice? Mac and cheese (must be generic powdered variety, pay more than 75¢ and you were ripped off) with cut up hotdogs, crystal hot sauce, (no other hot sauce can touch the crystal) and Italian bread crumbs. I have many variations, but this is the basic, bare bones recipe.

Cooking tip: Cut up the hotdogs and boil them right in the macaroni.

Learn it, live it, love it. Don’t call me if your arteries harden.

Disgusting you say! Don’t knock it until you try it! What's yours!

LOL

2008-06-04T19:09:00.000-07:00

Yeah, who am I friggin' kidding! I'm going to post fart jokes and tell people what I had for dinner! : ) When I get skinny I'll post a picture!

Fat Budda, Skinny Budda

2008-06-03T19:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, this idea has several elements, but the over all goal and prime directive is to reduce the size of my temple. This Budda’s got back baby. I’m, gonna edit my patterns of behavior, specifically the way I eat (bad) and the way I exercise (don’t). In an effort to keep on track and review my failure or success I’ll document it daily and share it with friends, family and John Q. to garnish support, and share the process. I guess one of the things I hope to accomplish is to prove to myself I can do it, but also to give others an example, if not an attractive one, of the process.

Way back sometime I saw a really cool time-lapse video of a house being uprooted and moved to a new location. In collage I saw a video talking about a guy who decided to take a picture of him self every hour, on the hour, for a year. This meant he never got more than 59 minutes of sleep, and was never away from his house for more than an hour. When the photos were put together in a flip deck it was incredible the way his appearance changed, not only his hair growing and being cut, but the physical effects the life style had on his face. No flipping way I’m going to do that, but I will attempt to take a photo once a day, weigh myself and check my blood pressure. Maybe I’ll add some other things to document. Price of gas maybe: ) By all means send me suggestions.

The angry place,....FOUND IT!

2008-06-01T20:44:00.000-07:00

Finding that I still want to smoke. OFTEN. A lot of people chew gum or mints to satisfy the oral fixation. I think I’ll just spit in the eye of every third person I meet. Or better yet, in the eye of every person that refers to his or her self in the third person. That should make me feel better. Jerks! I’m sure they probably deserve it.

Oblogatory

2008-05-30T22:46:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a blog now days. Artists, politicians, clergy, kids, grandparents. Anyone can put their thoughts out there for the world, or a predefined designated section there of, to see. They all have an agenda of some kind. Most are a simple vehicle to shout out to the world, “here I am”, and this is what I had for dinner yesterday. I think that’s great. So when I began to feel like I should be participating in this media phenomena, I found I was really at a loss as to what I would say, or why! Did I really need to have my own blog? A couple of years ago one of my friends told me I needed to be on My Space. He had a page and he suggested this was a good way to network and stay in touch. I was pretty happy with email, but I put up a page to have another way to keep up with some of my favorite people, even if it was on a slightly less personal level. I would, and still do, check out their new ideas, photos and projects. I have to admit I have some very cool friends. They all seem to be much more self motivated than I am. Ticks me right the EEEF off most of the time: ) I have never really had any interest in contributing to the content of my own space. It sits there with a few comments and a couple of things about me, just the bare bones requirements so I can login in and type messages at my buddies. Pretty lame really, you would think I might spend an afternoon and spruce it up a bit. Say-la-vee. (If you haven’t noticed spelling and grammar are not well honed instruments in my arsenal. I was a frigging art major for god’s sake, just keep your high-falutin word smithing comments to yourself will ya!) Guess I had better put in a paragraph break here someplace. (See previous comments Shakespeare! I can hear your thoughts!)

So then it came to me the other night while making dinner for “the boy”. (He’s two, and the most amazing thing that ever happened to me by the way). Some guy was on the local news because nine months ago he started eating at a burrito place twice a day to see if he could loose weight. He did, and a lot! He was pretty much the same size as I am now. 6 foot, 270ish. A BIG fella would be an accurate description. The idea that he lost weight eating rice and beans wasn’t surprising to me. I drooped 50 pounds in a couple of months when I moved to Colorado, ate home made tex-mex, and went mountain biking every day. Stands to reason,… no real secret. Eat healthy and exercise A LOT, and you will be skinny. In fact, eat crap and exercise A LOT, and you will stay slim. Never seen a fat bike currier,. EVER. I ate my share of corn dogs for breakfast when I was out West too. But I had a three hour lunch/ski break everyday at my job. (The only way they could keep a staff working from open till close and not pay over time. No one was complaining, because the skiing was great!). Problem is you can only live on 6 bucks an hour for so long. A job with that kind of mandated exercise was not in my future, nor most peoples. No, what this newscast did was remind me of an idea I placed on the back burner a long time ago, and it made me think about my son.

You only have so much time on this planet. I’d like to believe in some kind of afterlife or next level of awareness, but I have never really believed that’s the way it works. I mean I hope there’s more, but I’m not willing to waste the time I’ve got banking on it. Guess that make’s me agnostic. In the last couple of months I have slowly started making life and health changes, to hopefully prolong the time I have on this planet to spend with my family. I’ve cut out alcohol and I’m working on smoking. (I own all the vices brothers and sisters) I have also been waking from a motivational and creative slump. A long one. I think I may have the beginnings of an idea that will feed both pursuits, and a blog might be the perfect medium. Stay tuned. Send witty comments about my writing skills if you live more than an hours drive. I can’t afford the gas to come beat you with my artistic license, you should be safe.